


Bloody fucking sodding shit

by imminentinertia



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 11:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16325312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imminentinertia/pseuds/imminentinertia
Summary: Write shopping list. Bring list when shopping. Words to live by.





	Bloody fucking sodding shit

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Faens forpulte jævla dritt](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16054328) by [imminentinertia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imminentinertia/pseuds/imminentinertia). 



 

**NOW**

Running with a semi is  _ not  _ comfortable.

His jeans chafe against it, even though are boxers separating skin from denim, tight boxers, and he put it safely on the right side when he got dressed. He gnashes his teeth and runs on.

Fortunately, the grocery store is only a block and a half away.

Fortunately, the grocery store is open until late.

He comes to a halt at the crossing, slips on the icy slush but fortunately doesn’t fall on his face. He’s almost bouncing on the spot while he waits for the green light. Finally, it turns yellow for the cars, and he sprints across the street into the Kiwi. He has to slow down when he enters, walk like a normal person between the shelves towards the tills. Walking like a normal person means going slower than he wants, taking shorter steps than he wants, so he doesn’t crash into other people who are in the way at the fruit counter and the pasta shelf.

He’s still half hard and his jeans still chafe against his dick with every step he takes.

It’s a fucking nuisance.

 

**THEN**

Even went home with Isak after school. To be honest, for the last month, ever since Christmas, he’s slept more at Isak’s place than at home. He keeps a toothbrush and some extra clothes and all at Isak’s. Sometimes, his mum and dad grumble a little about him not being at home much, but they don’t really complain as long as he goes to school and does his homework and gets enough sleep.

There’s nowhere better to be than in Isak’s bed, whether they’re just talking or playing a game or making out. They haven’t dared to try to light a fire in the old stove there, but it's warm and cozy anyway, with the soft light from the nightstand lamp and Isak's duvet covering their feet. They didn’t eat dinner in bed, that rarely goes well, but they went in there as soon as they had finished the ready-made pasta Isak had heated up.

It turned into a special occasion, on an otherwise ordinary Thursday. Linn had gone to Larvik to celebrate her brother's birthday. Eskild had announced during dinner that he was off to see a delicious dude from Grindr. Noora also left straight after dinner, to hang out with Eva, and said she would probably stay the night.

Isak and Even were suddenly all alone in the flatshare.

 

**NOW**

There. Are. Fucking. Queues. In front of both of the open tills.

Why is half the city going grocery shopping at this time of the evening, in this particular Kiwi? He needs something to do while waiting, so he pulls out his phone to scroll through Instagram, but there’s nothing interesting. He opens Breakout Ninja and plays for fifteen seconds, then he can’t be bothered anymore.

One or two customers have finished and left his queue.

There are still too many left in front of him, three people with full baskets.

He switches over to the other queue, it seems to be going faster. There’s one person putting his groceries on the belt now, and an elderly lady with just a few things in her basket. Smooth as fuck.

 

**THEN**

There was nobody there who could hear them. They could do whatever they wanted. Okay, they might have to make sure not to disturb the neighbours, but there was no curious Eskild who could rattle the handle of the locked door. No embarrassed Noora or grumpy Linn who could start yelling through the door.

They got all giggly because of all the possibilities that suddenly opened up for them. Everything to themselves. That didn’t happen often in a flatshare with four people in three bedrooms. They were alone more often at Even’s, but it was near impossible to have sex in his old bunk bed without risking a concussion, so they didn’t do that very often. They stuck to blowjobs and cuddling on his small couch, usually.

It was absolutely wonderful to be all alone in the flatshare with Isak’s spacious bed.

Isak had locked the door anyway. Better safe than sorry.

Even’s blood pounded in his veins when he dumped down on the bed and watched as Isak turned the key, then spun around and leaned against the door with his arms crossed and a big grin on his face. 

To not have anybody around to hear, to have a proper bed, who would have thought it could feel so sexy.

Even felt hot and heavy between his legs. Sometimes he’d discover that he had a boner without having any idea how it got there, but there was no doubt this time that it was on its way.

He spread his legs, knowing fully well that Isak liked his long legs and never failed to get turned on by seeing him sprawled out like this.

Isak used his shoulders to push himself off the door and came towards Even with his arms still crossed, still smiling broadly, walking slowly, slowly.

 

**NOW**

Naturally, the queue he left is moving quickly now, and now it’s the guy who was  _ behind  _ Even who’s putting his stuff on the belt. How is this even fucking possible?. In the queue he moved over to, there is a total standstill because the idiot in front of the old lady has to go on and on about painkillers and fails to choose between Paracetamol or Ibuprofen, and of course the old lady is ridiculously slow getting her things on the belt now that the idiot has paid and left.

She apparently  _ has to _ put them up with the barcode accurately placed so that it will be as difficult as possible for the cashier to scan the goods, and Even swears that she puts them in alphabetical order too. She’s fumbling around in her basket, puts a box almost on the belt, then she puts it into the basket again and places a different box on the belt.

How. Is. This. Fucking. Possible.

 

**THEN**

They took their time getting undressed. Isak’s wool sweater, Evens hoodie. Trousers. T-shirts. They caressed every piece of skin that was revealed, kissed each other, pressed their lips against each other's shoulders and chests and stomachs. 

Isak pushed Even down on the bed and took off his socks, kissing his ankles.

"So, does sucking my toes turn you on?"

Even couldn’t help himself, and waved his toes in the direction of Isak’s mouth. 

"No, fuck, Even. You've been wearing those socks all day long. That isn’t going to happen."

But Isak was still smiling, and gave Even a quick kiss under his foot before he let go of his leg and grabbed hold of Even’s boxers. He pulled them down slowly, Even tilting his hips up to help, but the elastic caught on his dick and it hit his stomach when the boxers finally slipped down.

He jumped a little and had to laugh, but the whole thing was getting less funny and more serious. His groin was tingling and his cheeks were heating up.

Isak’s cheeks were were growing redder too, bathed in the warm yellow light from the nightstand lamp. He got up and first pulled off one sock, then the other, then he stilled and just stood beside the bed, his thumbs hooked into his boxers.

"Come on." 

Even wanted Isak in bed, close, warm and naked.

"What do I get if I take them off?"

Isak grinned, pulling a little on the elastic.

"Blow job."

"What if it's not a blow job I’m after?"

"You get whatever you want. Take it off."

"What if I want to fuck you?"

Isak looked at him with narrow dark eyes and his stare hit him like a fist to the midriff, but in a good way. A  _ very  _ good way. A little lower than the midriff too, really.

"Deal."

 

**NOW**

"Onehundredandseventythreefifty," says the cashier, monotonously.

"Oh yes, let’s see," and it’s only now that the old lady begins to root around in her enormous bag, looking for her wallet. Great. Of course, it’s evidently at the very bottom and it takes her about five minutes to find it. Two at the very minimum.

"One hundreeeed ..." and she slowly puts a note in the cashier’s hand, who has been waiting just as long as Even has.

"And fiftyyyy... How much did you say?" 

DEAR LORD.

"Onehundredandseventythreefifty."

"Oh yes, yes ... I think I have exactly that..."

And then she begins to count out the coins.

 

**THEN**

Even threw himself at the nightstand where the bottle of lube was. They’d given up on hiding it, after approximately the twelfth time Eskild cackled delightedly over finding it forgotten by Isak’s bed.

"Here, come on."

"Hey, we have plenty time."

Isak had still not taken off his boxers, going at a snail’s pace.

"Well, we do have a lot of time, but wouldn’t it be better if we spent that time with you inside me instead of  _ over there _ ."

"Good point ..."

Isak got rid of his boxers and got into bed with Even, warm skin against warm skin. Finally. Even stretched his neck, searching for Isak’s mouth and finding it, ran his tongue over Isak’s lower lip and pushed it into his willing mouth. Isak put his hand on Even’s chest, stroking down over his hip to his thigh. Even helped, laying his thigh on top of Isak’s hip, pulled him closer with his leg.

Strong, gentle fingers between his legs. Even shuddered, in a good way, not because of cold or discomfort. A shudder of anticipation. He hid his face against Isak's throat, drawing in his smell, his breathing becoming a little shaky.

They had only done this twice after the first time, the time that ended so disastrously, and he was so happy that Isak had asked for it himself, eagerly, now. Because Isak was safe and wanted this, even after everything that happened at the hotel. 

Isak’s hand disappeared. Even heard the little snicking sound of the bottle, and then a loud, hollow squirting sound.

"Shit, we have to buy more soon," Isak muttered.

Even, waiting for Isak’s fingers to return, pushed his thigh a little higher up on Isak's hip to give him more space.

"Even."

"Hm?"

"That's what we were supposed to do. We forgot to buy lube and condoms. "

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"Do we have enough lube?" 

Even pulled his leg off Isak, rolling over on his back and out of the embrace to look at the bottle.

"It should be okay, but condoms ..."

_ Fuck. _

They could do it without them, maybe, but Even hadn’t got himself tested after Sonja, not yet. He didn't think she’d ever cheated on him, and he’d never been with anyone other than her and Isak, but the last thing in the world he wanted was to give Isak chlamydia or something like that. There had been enough stress.

He noted that the first thing he had to do after they finished, was to checking the opening hours of the clinic.

"Check if Eskild has any."

"No, fuck, I won't go into his room."

"Isak."

"No!"

"Baby."

Three deep kisses later, Isak left the bed with a lot of sighing and groaning and stomped off into Eskild's room. Even stayed in bed, stroking his dick lightly, not giving it any proper tugs, just keeping it interested.

He heard slamming of drawers and more stomping, to the bathroom, it sounded like. Muffled sounds drifted over from the bathroom too. Then Isak came marching back into his room again, half-hard dick swaying in front of him. It should have been at least a bit comical, but Even wasn’t particularly in the mood for comedy.

"Did you find any?"

"No!"

Isak flopped down on the bed and tugged the duvet over himself.

"I looked in his nightstand and I need brain bleach, so badly. He doesn't have condoms there, but he has other things. "

Okay, Even began to appreciate the humor in the situation again.

"There weren’t any on top of the nightstand either, or on his chest of drawers. I couldn’t check anywhere else in there. Who the fuck knows what I’d have found.”

Isak covered his face with his hands and rubbed his eyes, hard.

"I looked in the bathroom as well. Nothing there either."

"Maybe Linn or Noora ..."

" No! I’m not going into Linn’s room. No way. I don't want to mess around with Noora's suitcase either, she will probably throw a fit if she finds out."

Isak let his arms drop down onto the duvet again.

"But we can do it without ..."

Even cringed a little.

"I’d rather not, since I don't know ..."

"Then you’d better go shopping."

"Me?"

Even put on his best horrified expression. For good measure, he made as if to clutch his imaginary pearls too.

"Excuse me, Isak, but it was you who didn't buy any when you were shopping yesterday."

"You didn't remind me!"

Isak widened his eyes, mock upset as well.

"I'm the guest here."

"You fucking live here as much as I do."

"You pay the rent!"

"You’re only making it worse for yourself. You are like a... kept man."

Even had to laugh at that, and Isak too, and then Isak took his face between his hands and kissed him. Deeply. Hot. Lingering.

"Rock, paper, scissors?"

 

**NOW**

"Eighteeeeen... Nineteeeen... Oh dear, I don’t think I have any smaller coins..." 

Even clenches his hands into fists and opens them, over and over, he can’t seem to be able to stop. His dick has stopped bothering him, but that's the only positive thing he has to say about this whole situation.

The old lady leans across the counter and tries to push the coins into the cashier’s hands.

"You have to put the coins in there. In that coin insert in the box next to you."

"Yes teeheehee, that's right, it’s like that now. I truly believe I'm getting quite forgetful."

_ Fucking stop! Pay and leave! PAY AND GET THE FUCK OUT! _

Finally,  _ fucking finally _ , it's Even’s turn. 

"A pack of Thin, please."

He rocks back and forth on his feet a little while the cashier turns to the shelf, her hand raised while she’s looking for it among all the painkillers and nicotine gums and other condoms.

_ THERE. I see it. Next to the Good Vibration Kit. What the hell is that? See, there it is. THEEERE. Yes yes yes that one! _

The cashier wearily turns back and scans the package.

"Was that everything?"

"Yes, thanks."

"You want a bag?"

_ A bag?! Yes, I want a huge plastic bag to carry the tiny flat package there. Are you a complete idiot?! _

"No!"

Even tries to breathe calmly, to keep whatever is left of his cool. He should probably count to ten, but he can’t really find it in him to do that.

"Sixtyfivefifty."

Naturally, Even drops his bank card on the floor because he hurries too much trying to get it out of his pocket. Naturally, the contactless payment doesn't work, so he has to insert the card and enter the code. Naturally, he drops the condoms on the floor because he hurries too much when he stuffs them in the pocket of his jacket. The box gets a little wet. Whatever. He’s going home to Isak and a little bit of dirty slush on his clothes is the least of his problems.

He is almost sure he can see the cashier smile a little when he sweeps the condoms up from the floor and jams the package into his pocket, but he doesn't care, he’s getting the hell out.

Naturally, he slips in exactly the same spot, but doesn't fall this time either. Up the street, around the corner, to the door, ring the bell. 

He’s buzzed in so quickly that while he’s taking the stairs three at a time, he wonders if Isak was waiting right next to the bell phone.

The door to the flat is open and Isak, in sweatpants and a t-shirt, is leaning against the door frame.

"Hey," he says, calmly as if nothing is going on.

He tips his face up for a kiss as Even enters the hallway and starts kicking off his shoes. Even can’t resist kissing Isak when he does that, so he tilts his head and finds Isak’s lips, soft and warm. He can’t kiss properly, just ends up pushing his smile against Isak’s mouth.

Isak pulls his head back a little.

"Did you run?"

There’s a spark in his eyes, the little light that usually means a smirk is on its way.

"Just walked quickly."

"Okay then. Did you get some? "

"Yeah, sure."

"Come on then. You have to undress me again. "

Isak is grinning.

"There are fewer clothes to take off now, though, if you know what I mean."

It takes a second before the penny drops.

"Oh, don't you have anything on under that?"

Isak just keeps on grinning, and Even gets rid of his scarf and jacket, before he remembers what he was out to get and sticks his hand in his pocket.

Empty.

The other pocket in his jacket.

Empty.

Both back pockets on his jeans.

Empty.

The inner pocket in his jacket.

Empty.

"FUCK!"

Isak startles a little.

"What, what's up?"

"I lost the fucking condoms! I put them in my pocket and now they’re gone!"

For a moment, Isak looks terrified, his mouth shaped into an o, then he tips his head back and starts laughing hard.

Even doesn't think this is a laughing matter. At all.

Isak is still giggling a bit, then he pulls himself together and puts his arms around Even’s neck.

"It's fine. We'll do something else."

"But, you wanted to..."

"No problem... Wait, you just wanted to because I wanted to? "

The smile that was still playing around Isak's eyes disappears completely.

"No! I wanted to! Why do you think I ran all the way to the store and back!"

As quickly as it went away, Isak’s smile returns.

"So you admit that you ran!"

Even might as well give up. He leans his forehead against Isak’s and comes clean.

"Yes, I ran. And I was really stressed in the store because there was so much fucking shit with the queue and everything. I just wanted to get home to you." 

He draws a deep breath before continuing.

"Get you inside me."

Isak holds him close, so close to him, murmuring against his cheek.

"Let’s go to bed again. We have some more lube, so I can do some stuff you’ll like. It will be good, promise."

Even hugs him even closer and buries his face in Isak's hair, breathing in deeply.

"Of course it will be good, it's you."

Isak laughs a little, his cheek pressed against Even’s, and Even can hear the sound of it inside his ear as if it’s almost his own voice.

"And you, Even."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of thanks to [mynameisnotthepoint](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynameisnotthepoint/pseuds/mynameisnotthepoint) for cleaning up my English ♥


End file.
